knighton

I've Moved

2011-08-18T13:11:00.001-05:00

You can visit me at http://jknighton.wordpress.com/

See you over there!

I Doodle (almost) Every Day

2011-08-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

Confession: I Am a Workaholic

2011-07-28T13:58:00.002-05:00

This realization should come as no surprise to me. But it kinda does. When I take time off, I feel guilty for not working. And then I feel guilty for not enjoying some down time while also feeling guilty about not working. It's stupid, really, to feel guilty for feeling guilty. Stupid or crazy.

It's not that I can't rest. I can. But I must force myself. I must actively redirect thoughts as they stray back to work and household chores and the things I should be doing instead. (Note: should is a guilt work. When you find it, kill it. Kill it dead.)

#thatisall

Words To Live By

2011-07-23T11:53:00.000-05:00

Trust to your instincts
If it's safely restrained
Lightning reactions
Must be carefully trained

Heat of the moment
Curse of the young
Spit out your anger
Don't swallow your tongue

Stick it out
Don't swallow the poison
Spit it out
Don't swallow your pride
Stick it out
Don't swallow your anger
Spit it out
Don't swallow the lies

Natural reflex
Pendulum swing
You might be too dizzy
To do the right thing

Trial under fire
Ultimate proof
Moment of crisis
Don't swallow the truth

Each time we bathe our reactions
In artificial light
Each time we alter the focus
To make the wrong moves seem right

You get so used to deception
You make yourself a nervous wreck
You get so used to surrender
Running back to cover your neck

-Rush, Stick It Out

Vocabulary Lesson #35: Far Cry

2011-07-19T11:38:00.001-05:00

pariah
wandering
barking
speaking
tidal
fortune
electrical
inherit
current
circuit
whirlwind
faith
horizon
betrayal
circle
planet

Bonus:
change

Time is a Trickster

2011-07-12T17:26:00.002-05:00

Time is a shapeshifter. Sometimes it's a hill, and I have to work three times as hard to go the ten paces I could skip across with no effort were it flat ground. Other times, though (and far too often lately), time is a slide and no matter how I dig in my heels to stop, or at least slow down, gravity plus the tilt of this patch of earth are pushing me, pushing you, faster, always faster, and if we're smart we'll want to pause everything--there's so much to see! so much to miss!--but if we're smarter we'll just forget our feet, pull our knees to our chests, lean back, open our eyes wide, and enjoy the ride. Because, see, it's not that kind of slide at all, it's a landslide--just the other side of that same hill.

-Leah, excerpted from Time is a... at A Girl and a Boy

Depression, Work-Life Balance, and Rediscovering Self (or Navel Gazing for the Over-30 Crowd)

2011-06-27T14:31:00.000-05:00

I don't want to get into this too much here, but let me just say that I can tell the state of my mental health by the non-work-related writing I do. (See: this blog and the lack of posting since July 2010) And also by the heart palpitations, anxiety hives, and panic attacks. Crushing chest pain is a sign that something has gone seriously sideways in life.

Anyway, I haven't written anything lately. The past couple months have been busy:

First, we bought a house and moved to New Braunfels. We have two ponds full of goldfish and Koi and a herd of deer who are constantly begging for food. We see all variety of birds - including a Cardinal family who built a nest by the living room window and birthed another generation, hummingbirds everywhere, and roadrunners. We also have scorpions and tarantulas and snakes, oh my!

Then, once we got into the place, My sister-in-law and I repainted my office and decorated it with some lovely dark wood and lots of art. Remind me never to paint a 10'x10' room with 12' ceilings. Ever. Again. What on earth was I thinking? The upside, however, is that the place is everything I wanted in an office - sunny and relaxing and with a beautiful view.

Lately, we've been entertaining just about everyone we know at the house. The month of July is already booked with guests and we're scheduling into August! Apparently, this is The Place To Be. And it makes me so very happy.

In work-related travel news, I've been to Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, Florida, Ohio (twice), Arizona, and North Carolina. And none of that includes the tornado-related stranding in Dallas or a trip to Houston. And really, that is just the tip of the iceberg of my sales business. Too many places to go and not enough time to do it all.

I'm going to try to get back to a more regular posting schedule, but I can't promise anything. Because I just don't know if I'll have the energy to be anything more than a neglectful writer on my own blog. In the meantime, I've got to figure out where things have gone wrong and set them to rights again.

And Then One Day I Just Got Tired of Talking

2011-04-28T09:13:00.000-05:00

Actually, that happens every day. I'm a salesman; I talk all day long, five (or more) days a week.

But it's not like I don't have anything to say. I actually have a lot to say - I've just been keeping most of it in my little head. Anyway...

Since I last wrote on this little page:

I have kicked some serious ass in my work - until the past month when closing the business has been more difficult than I expected. I've also been to Atlanta, Miami, Los Angeles, Houston, and DC. All in the past month.

Oh, AND I went to New Orleans with my friends Pam, Ellie, and Sarah. And April and Rachel. And new friends Helen Jane and Mir and Christine. And was photographed by Karen.

We decided to buy a new house, and we'll be moving in this Saturday. We are very excited. And also nervous. And excited.

Also, OH MY GOD, everything always happens all at once!

I'll be very happy to see May 1st.

Wherein I Am Late to the Party, As Usual

2011-01-11T10:50:00.005-06:00

I'm having a hard time, these days, coming up with anything to write. So, I'll just steal Leah's year-end meme. And I realize we are already 11 days into the new year, but the words, they are eluding me these days. Also, I'm reminded that last year was "Reboot 2010," and I think I managed to do just that. Anyway:

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Attended BlogHer in New York. Visited (a little) New York City. Played drums (badly.)

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  
I'm not big on resolutions, though I do like to have a word or theme for the year. Last year it was Reboot 2010. This year, Peace. So far, I'm kinda failing on the peace agenda, though I did kick my Diet Coke habit. So there's that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
One of my college roommates had a little boy, and the other roommate is pregnant and due in February. It's kinda blowing my mind.

4. Did anyone close to you die?  
Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit?  
Just the United States, but I managed to hit an amazing number of those states during the last half of the year. My mind boggles at the travel I've been doing.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More patience and a thicker skin. I might be waiting a long time for those two virtues.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
8/2/10 was my last day at Apple, after eight years there. And those eight years were something else - from the days when it looked like the company wouldn't survive to, well, the juggernaut it has become. I'm proud to have been a part of it all, proud to have made a difference, and I'll miss it.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?  
Landed a new job after a rather grueling interview experience. If you've ever been Topgraded, you know. And if you haven't been Topgraded, try to avoid it.

9. What was your biggest failure?
The temporary falling-out with my sister. I regret that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was stricken with the flu during my new hire training week. It was all I could do to remain upright. I'm sure I infected half the company. Sorry, guys.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
The Mini Cooper. SO. MUCH. FUN. TO. DRIVE! And, also, the drum kit. SO. MUCH. FUN. TO. PLAY!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband, who put up with my mild depression earlier in the year, who celebrated new hobbies with me, who endured that grueling interview process, and who celebrated with me every step of the way. That man is a keeper.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?  
Pleading the fifth here.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Besides the mortgage? Good food and cheap wine. We made a conscious effort in 2010 to eat more organically and to select naturally raised meat and poultry. It has been worth it.

15. What did you get really excited about?
BlogHer in New York! The Mini Cooper! A red drum kit! A new job!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Seven Bridges Road by The Eagles. Because we saw them live, and they opened with this song, which they rarely sing but has always been a favorite of mine. I like to believe they sung it just for me.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: 

--happier or sadder? Happier, considering the near-crippling depression of last winter. But not nearly as happy as I thought I'd be, which is kinda sad.

--thinner or fatter? About the same, actually, though I feel healthier.

--richer or poorer? Richer, by a little. But no amount of income will ever erase that feeling from childhood that money is scarce and we're on the brink of financial ruin. I know it's not true, but it's there in the back of my mind just the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?  
Play.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?  
Whine.

20. How did you spend Christmas?  
Hanging out with our families, including a three-hour midnight karaoke marathon wherein I sang all the songs (and I don't sing in front of people. ever.), an epic nerf-gun battle with my dad, brother, and nephews, the gift of music for my side of the family, and a lovely road trip with my darling husband.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Every single day.

22. What was your favorite TV program?  
We only get basic cable, because it keeps the cost of our internet service down. But we rented and watched the entire series, My Name Is Earl. Loved it. And I have no idea how we missed it when it was originally on TV. Go figure.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?  
Nope.

24. What was the best book you read?
My favorite books of the year were the Sunday Philosophy Club and 44 Scotland Street series written by Alexander McCall Smith. I loved their gentle humor and irony, and I loved the tenderness of human interaction. They're something special.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? 
First is my unadulterated joy from learning the drums. I am fascinated at how time flies when I'm playing. And second would have to be Iron Maiden. Don't laugh! Husband has been a fan for years, and I've just never seen the appeal. Then, he found an acoustic, Spanish-guitar version of one of their songs....and suddenly! I got it! I really get their music now. And I like it. So there.

26. What did you want and get?
A drum kit. The Mini Cooper. A new job.

27. What did you want and not get?
I'm pretty spoiled. But I wanted things for my husband. We're working on those now.

27a. What did you not want and not get?
How about "what did you not want and still get?" instead. An allergic reaction to my allergy shots, that's what.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I can't really think of a favorite film for 2010. There's nothing that stands out in my mind - mostly because we only went to the theater maybe twice all year.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 37 in September and spent Labor Day weekend in San Francisco. Seeing the city and visiting my in-laws. It was exactly what I wanted.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Seriously? A lot of satisfying things happened this year, so much so that I'm a little embarrassed by how fortunate I've been. Immeasurably more satisfying? Probably more chocolate truffles.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Mostly jeans and t-shirts, till I got that new job. Now it's conservative suits and heals for work, and jeans and t-shirts for everything else. That's not really a "fashion concept." It's more like the daily uniform. Whatever.

32. What kept you sane?  
Husband, drum kit, xanax. In that order. Seriously.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have an intellectual crush on a world famous drummer. I'm not saying more than that.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?  
We talked a lot, and passionately, about health care reform and immigration. I have strong opinions about both, which don't necessarily fall into either of the current political ideologies.

35. Who did you miss?  
I miss my grandmother. A lot.

36. Who was the best new person you met?  
I met Pam in person for the first time, though we've been online friends for years. And April, who was a surprise instant friend and BlogHer roomie.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
I feel like I keep learning the same things over and over, which probably means I'm not getting the lesson the first go round. As always: Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not proud. Love is slow to anger. Love endures all things.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.  
A chance to break from the past / The caravan thunders onward / Stars winking through the canvas hood / On my way at last / In a world where I feel so small / I can’t stop thinking big

A (Mostly) Complete List of Jennifer's Irrational Fears

2010-12-30T19:06:00.000-06:00

Ice skating. I know I'll fall down, and I think someone will unintentionally skate over my exposed fingers and cut them off.

Shopping carts behind me. I expect them to ram into the backs of my ankles and render me bloodied and bruised.

Snakes. This is actually a totally rational fear, sorta. It's not rational to fear snakes in glass cages at the zoo.

Barefoot at the airport. Ring worm, bacteria, shards of glass, canine fecal matter, hypodermic needles, and God only knows what else. Actually, this fear makes total sense.

Large crowds. They press in on you, sucking up all the oxygen, and then they touch you - whether intential or not doesn't matter. They bump into you. They yell in your one good ear. They spill their sticky beverage down your favorite dress. And then you have a full blown panic attack and might pass out.

Raw oysters. It's a texture thing. Also, Guillaume-Barre.

A sinkful of dishwater. Gives me a gag reflex every time.

A Little More Introspection

2010-12-22T09:05:00.000-06:00

Some more thoughts inspired by the www.Reverb10.com prompts:

9. Party. Which social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010?
BlogHer, obviously, leads the list of great parties of the past year - thanks to time spent with friends, visiting a new city, and all that. But I have to confess that my husband and I kept an extremely active social calendar this summer, with something going on almost every weekend from May to October. This year has been fun! And I really hope we continue the trend. Because my anxiety level needs all the fun it can get.

10. Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year and how did it play out?
Well, I think the wisdom started last December when we decided to Reboot in 2010. It's been an entire year of personal evaluation and exploration, but I don't think it stops here. 2011 looks to be as filled with new experiences as 2010 has been, and I can hardly wait to see what the year holds.

13. Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?
"I have no idea" is probably the wrong answer here. But I must confess, I feel completely ill-prepared to take the Baptist Wine Club to the next level. Whatever that looks like. This summer I moved that blog to a Wordpress site, which has resulted in more traffic and some attention from wineries and their PR agencies. All of which is wonderful. But I really don't know what to do next. "Build it and they will come" is a great dream, but requires a lot more than just a dream. Any tips?

17. Lesson Learned. What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year?
This past July, I interviewed for and won a new job. The interview process itself was excruciatingly detailed, and often felt mildly intrusive. Having to reflect on your entire work life from college forward and to critically evaluate your performance at each step - that was hard work. But I learned that I have a strong, determined character, that I'm aggressive and competitive, and that I set higher standards for personal performance than what most others would expect. I am hard on myself. But that only works for a while before you start caving under the weight of your own expectations. I'd like to work on being a little more self-forgiving. I don't know if it's possible, though.

I might post some more Reverb10 responses next week. I'm not sure - they feel increasingly more reflective and I may not be able to bravely share my thoughts. Sigh. We'll see.

In Which I Reexamine the Past Year. A Little.

2010-12-09T09:11:00.002-06:00

I've been quietly following the responses to the Reverb10.com prompts, and thought I'd add a few of my own:

1. One Word for 2010. One word for 2011.
This year has been about CHANGE more than anything else. It started last December with a commitment to Reboot 2010, and hasn't let up. There's been a new job, of course, but also new hobbies, new travel, more activity, and less rest. I'd like to see 2011 be a peaceful year, and not just meaning less change. I want to cultivate PEACE in my relationships, in my career, in my home.

3. Moment. Describe one moment during which you felt most alive.
Sitting in a restaurant on the Florida coast, on the terrace, looking at the ocean. The moon was rising through pirate clouds and the wind was a caress on my cheek. Palm fronds rustled overhead, and one lonely seagull cried in the night. The smell of hot pizza drifted toward me, as I sipped a glass of red wine. And I stopped mid-motion, overcome with a sense that all was right in the world, that today is a perfect day, everything will be just fine. Peace.

4. Wonder. How did you cultivate a sensor of wonder this hear.
Drum lessons. I feel like a child everytime I sit down at my kit. It's play, but I'm learning a new talent. And I marvel that something as simple as hitting things with sticks can provide so much sheer joy.

8. Beautifully different. Reflect in the things that make you different; you'll find they're what make you beautiful.
I have found this prompt most difficult to answer. Mainly because I've never found myself particularly beautiful. Pretty maybe, but not beautiful. Still, I know what I like about myself. I have a quirky sense of humor that sometimes confuses people, but which makes me laugh. I ask difficult questions, especially about faith, and I really try to work out the answers. I'm skeptical, stubborn, opinionated. I don't think any of these things make me different, but at least they make life interesting. Oh, and I have really pretty green eyes.

You could try a few of the prompts too. They're all listed at www.rerverb10.com/the-prompts/

Have fun.

I've Been Everywhere, Man

2010-12-07T10:11:00.000-06:00

Yeah, so like two months got away from me. Bet you'd like to know what I've been up to.

I've been to:
North Carolina
Houston, Texas (twice)
South Florida
Atlanta, Georgia
South Carolina
San Diego, California
Dallas, Texas

Plus there was the Thanksgiving trip to Conroe/Willis. And a few days here in lovely Austin.

I am tired. But I'm inspired by the end-of-year writing prompts from www.Reverb10.com. I think I'll share some of my answers over the next three weeks.

Thanks for being patient and not giving up on this weary traveler.

I Miss My Grandmother

2010-10-06T19:41:00.000-05:00

Had shrimp & grits for dinner tonight, with spicy sausage and fresh tomatoes. Only thing missing was the red-eye gravy and a homemade biscuit.

I really REALLY REALLY miss her.

See? Told Ya.

2010-09-29T19:10:00.003-05:00

Smallest plane ever:

That was Monday afternoon. Today I rode back to Denver in what was probably the exact same plane, with a pilot who can't be two years out of high school, through non-stop turbulence. I kept my eyes closed the whole flight. It was almost enough to give a girl a phobia.

Because I have no real fear of flying. But when sitting in a little tin can like this, flying through the air a few miles above the surface of the planet, you realize that there is really nothing at all between you and a smear on the ground but a thin sheet of metal being pummeled by violent winds. Disturbing.

Up, Up and Away

2010-09-27T23:19:00.000-05:00

So, I'm in Cheyenne, Wyoming, by way of Denver, Colorado, today. Some observations:

Massive B.O. should be considered a security risk. I have no idea how a man smelling so obscene would be allowed through security.

There should be a special First Time Flyers section in the airplane where the newbies can congregate to violate all the unspoken in-air rules together.

The Beechcraft 1900D Turboprop is officially the smallest plane I've ever been on. It's unsettling to be able to see clearly out the cockpit windows from the back row. At least it was a short flight.

The Cheyenne airport is officially the smallest airport I've ever entered, and that includes Yakima, Washington, and Bend, Oregon. These little out-of-the-way towns really know how to frighten the tourists.

You can see for miles and miles out here. It makes me nervous.

And Then Two Weeks Passed

2010-09-24T19:45:00.003-05:00

Best laid plans of mice and saleswomen, and all that jazz. In the past couple of weeks, I've been running up and down the IH-35 corridor as far north as Dallas and Fort Worth and as far south as San Antonio, and a lot of places in between. Needless to say, I've seen a lot of miles in a short period of time.

I've also seen my two college roommates, Julie and Tanja, and had cocktails with friends, Pam and Mandy. And let's talk about all these beautiful, delightful, fascinating women.

Julie and Tanja are two of the people dearest to my heart, having spent some of the most impressionable years of my life in their company. Julie is clever, passionate, and absolutely effervescent. Tanja is thoughtful, determined, and wickedly smart. (Really, you could switch the names around and the descriptions would still apply. They are extraordinary women!) Julie is expecting a son soon, and Tanja is a new mom.

The two of them are more than just a hallmark moment in time to remember fondly; they are part of the fabric of my life, weaving a beautiful pattern on my heart and soul, changing the texture of my little world. I owe them debts of gratitude for kindnesses large and small, and I just love them.

Pam was my roommate at BlogHer this summer and an online friend of several years, and Mandy is a new friend introduced just this week. They are funny, witty, fascinating women, and I hope to spend more time in their company and to get to know them both better. With cocktails.

What's been both surprising and reassuring is the way the conversations with each of these lovely ladies has the tone of just picking up where we last left off - whether that was a month ago or a year ago or for the first time today.

And here is where I make a little confession: I have always yearned for some magical life-long friend. You know what I mean: the girl you met in first grade and stayed friends with forever. You double-dated in high school and were bride's maids in each others weddings. You talk on the phone almost every day, even now. And for me, at least, that's a fantasy, especially given the fact that my sister totally and completely qualifies here. (Note: that's the problem with fantasy. You ignore the blessing in your midst.)

These friends I have now are life-long friends, whether we met nearly 20 years ago or more recently or at birth. What is suddenly more important to me, and I think to most women I know, is that our friendships are deep and real and honest. That we can be exactly who we are with each other, without fear or regret.

I was struck by a part of the conversation with Tanja and Julie. Our lives have taken us separate and interesting places and yet some of the fundamentals (faith, beliefs, values, ethics, and such) have taken similar though sometimes winding paths to bring us again to a new, different common ground. And now, looking at each other, we see those same kindred spirits that drew us together in the first place.

We've changed so much and not at all.

More Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

2010-09-11T13:47:00.003-05:00

So, yeah, I've been traveling. A LOT. And completely not blogging about it. Because by the end of the day and end of the week, I'm just exhausted. And also, there is so much in my business life that I seem to be using up all my words before I have a chance to write.
Anyway . . . excuses, excuses.

So, this past week I was in Northern California - from San Francisco as far north as Arcata. (About which more in a sec.)

In San Francisco we took a few days before the start of the week to celebrate my 37th birthday. (I'll go ahead and admit that I am ambivalent about this birthday. Normally I remind everyone I know for about a month before my day, and then celebrate throughout September. This year, I just don't want to think too much about it. And also, surprisingly, I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I ever thought possible. It's a wonderful feeling, actually. So long as I don't dwell on that late-thirties thing.) Anyway, we stayed at the always lovely Hotel Monaco at Union Square, where the staff are the epitome of genuine hospitality, from the hostess to the housecleaning staff, and everyone in between. Stay here if you ever get the chance. And bring your pets, who are always welcome.

We did a lot of the things we always do when we visit SF, but this time we walked it all - averaging about 5 miles per day and seeing more of the city than one does by car. We walked from Union Square to Chinatown, down to North Beach, and on to Fisherman's Wharf. Another day, we took the car to Golden Gate Park, walked the park, strolled through Haight-Asbury, visited the Conservatory of Flowers, and later hit Ocean Beach. (Note: it is unbelievably easy to get lost in Golden Gate Park. I advise a map.) What we didn't do was load up on souvenirs and stuff. Because we always come back to this fair city and because we just didn't want the bother of lugging it all back through airport security.

Now, I will confess we spent a portion of Labor Day in Napa Valley, hitting a couple wineries. If I had thought ahead, I would have planned more time to visit a few of the Baptist Wine Club preferred vineyards, but instead we just stopped by a few of our long-standing favorites for a couple bottles of things we keep running out of and that we can't get back home. Like Sattui Madeira, which is the perfect after-dinner beverage, in my humble opinion.

Tuesday brought meetings in Arcata, CA, home of Humoldt State University, and which I learned is world famous for it's growth, consumption, and distribution of certain controlled herbs and weeds. Apparently, 1 in 7 citizens of the county grow their own - at least according to the bartender. That probably explains the popularity of a university a couple hundred miles from any major city and lacking decent shopping & dining. It seems the citizenry has other priorities.

It was in Arcata that a dreadlocked couple loaded with luggage entered the elevator and remarked, "we've been driving all day. And you smell good." Odd. And later that evening, a panhandler explained that the snails were out and would I "please take care not to crush them. They're just trying to cross the street." The only possible response: "thanks for the warning. I'll be on the lookout."

Also, there were more dreadlocks in Arcata than I have ever seen at any given time ever, even considering that NY Subway trip and the fact that I live in another, popular college town. There's just no comparison. Arcata wins for dreadlocks.

The rest of the week found me in Redding to visit Simpson University and then on to Berkeley for a trip to the university there. I sorta made a big loop of Northern California, which meant for a lot of driving (about 900 miles in total) and led to a bit of back pain. Still, it was a great weekend for celebrating and a great week for business.

And I'll try to be a more consistent correspondent going forward, even if I'm traveling. Well, especially if I'm traveling. Oh, the things I see and the people I meet along the way!

Vocabulary Lesson #34: Caravan

2010-08-29T11:39:00.000-05:00

fire
train
stars
steamliner
caravan
onward
road
shadows
night
young
good
world
chance

Bonus:
gypsy

Mighty Life List #9: Visit New York. {Check}

2010-08-24T12:30:00.001-05:00

You may have noticed from the previous post of snapshots, that part of my travel schedule took me to New York City for BlogHer '10. And I probably could have spent a few lifetimes in that fantastic city.

But first, a big THANK YOU SO MUCH to my fashionable friend, Pam, who absolutely insisted I make this trip, come hell or high water. And, to tell the truth, I would have been lost there without her and our roommate, the inimitable April. Dear lovely ladies, please accept my heartfelt gratitude for allowing this last minute tag-along to enjoy your company, your stories, your laughter, and your friendship. Let's do it again!

And big hugs to Karen, Jessica, Christine, Allison, Amber, Stephanie, Nichelle, Leah, and all the other wonderful women I had the pleasure to meet. Ya'll made my trip so much more than I hoped it could be.

Now I just have to figure out how to get back to New York for a longer trip!

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

2010-08-23T21:05:00.000-05:00

I've been traveling pretty much non-stop since the first week of August. I have been on six flights, three subways, five cabs, two rental cars, and one train. The girl gets around. And, in lieu of a detailed analysis of all I've seen and done, I offer up these snapshots:

The Winds of Change

2010-07-30T12:08:00.000-05:00

Life has been slightly turbulent for the past month here at Chez Knighton, and it looks to continue for another three weeks or so. Mainly because I've resigned my position at my current fruit-flavored employer and will transition to another company on August 9th.

To add to the adventure of changing jobs, I'll be traveling to New York next week for BlogHer. Then taking the train from NYC to Boston to meet a new colleague and attend a few meetings, and later in the week flying home to entertain my parents for a few days, just before flying out to Virginia for an entire week of training at the headquarters. August is booked solid.

And while this looks like a lot, and actually is a lot, I'm more excited about work and this new adventure than I've been in a long time. I can hardly wait to get started.

But first, I must plan my wardrobe and shoes!

You Will Never See These People Again (Part 2)

2010-07-21T10:00:00.001-05:00

Last weekend, Husband and I went on a drive through a couple new neighborhoods. We do this from time to time, peaking in on new construction, visiting open houses, and generally dreaming.

Anyway, we stopped at this one place where the builder's cleaning crew was putting the final touches on a brand new house, so we asked if we could look around and they said that would be fine. So, we helped ourselves to a tour of a really lovely place that we could imagine living in.

But, just about the minute I fell in love with the master bathroom, we heard voices in the other part of the house. We walked into the living room to discover another couple there, and we assumed* they were also getting a tour.

Not quite so fast.

Turns out, they're the new owners, having just had this lovely house built and soon to move in. And, as it also turns out, we were officially trespassing. But what really got the lady-of-the-house's goat was the fact that we had parked in her new driveway. She was totally hung up on the fact that "not even they drove in the driveway."

Let's just pause here and consider that statement. Um, isn't the purpose of a driveway to handle parked cars? No? It's just me, then?

So, we made our apologies and got the heck out of her new house, making a new line of tire tracks on her no-longer-virginal driveway. And leaving them with a story to tell for the rest of their lives.

*We all know the definition of assume.

Vocabulary Lesson #33: Prime Mover

2010-07-20T09:03:00.000-05:00

elemental
passion
thrill
rational
resistance
conception
truth
surrender
ignition
journey
temperamental
perception
polarize
force
magnetic
departure
motion

Bonus:
adventure

New Shoes

2010-07-08T23:41:00.000-05:00

Bought these on sale at Nordstrom Rack. Most comfortable heels I've ever owned. Love!

You Will Never See These People Again

2010-07-07T10:00:00.003-05:00

Remember that episode of Seinfeld, where Jerry, Elaine, and George are waiting for a table at the chinese restaurant? Remember how Jerry dares Elaine to eat something from the plate of a stranger. "Don't say anything. Just pick up the egg roll, eat it, and walk away." Remember that?

*Pause. It's kinda sad that I'm taking life lessons from a TV show, but there it is.

Anyway, Jerry tells Elaine that these people will never see you again and that she'd be giving them a story they can tell for the rest of their lives. So, I'm trying to do a little bit of that. To be more daring, to take a few risks. To stop caring so much what total strangers will think of me.

Which is why I walked up to a stranger at a concert a couple weeks ago and rubbed my hands along his extra-tall, super-spiky, purple-died mohawk. Twice. On two separate occasions, in different sections of the arena.

Because I wanted to know what that felt like. And that super polite young man? He'll have a story to tell for the rest of his life.

*Note: at the same concert, we photo-bombed a group shot, and later yelled "Shazam" at a guy in a Shazam t-shirt. He had no idea what the lightning bolt on his red T meant! Kids these days. But, at least we gave them a couple stories.

Sipping from the Cup of Motherhood

2010-07-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

I recently spent some time with a nine year old girl, a child I would adopt as my own in a heartbeat if she didn't already have a mother who loves her. In the course of our time together, she got something in her eye, some lotion or something. Doesn't really matter what it was, it just stung.

So, there we were, away from home and my first aid kit, with nothing but a bottle of water and the clothes we were wearing. I did the thing that doesn't really help and hurts almost as much as the stinging eye pain. I poured water in her eyes and wiped with my t-shirt. While she cried. And my heart broke.

This child, completely trusting, let me hurt her to help her, to induce tears to relieve the pain. And I'm standing there drawing all my limited strength not to break down in tears next to her. While she's just begging me to make it stop, please make it stop.

Don't panic. Keep calm and carry on. Whatever.

There is no pain so great as your heart breaking like this. I hurt a child. It was necessary in the emergency, and it was awful, just awful. I love her, and I hurt her.

The funny (terrible-wonderful) thing is, a few minutes later, she's all better and back to her sunny, happy self. Like it never happened.

But it did happen. And I don't know that I'll ever quite recover from the experience. I don't know that my heart is big enough or strong enough to do the kind of work it takes and to live with the kind of pain that comes with being someone's mommy.

Seriously, how do you moms walk around with your heart out there all day, every day? You are my new heros. Because THAT? That takes guts.

Climbing, Searching, Traveling

2010-06-30T10:46:00.000-05:00

Vocabulary Lesson #32: Resist

2010-06-29T09:26:00.001-05:00

temptation
coexist
pain
compromise
desires
explain
frustration
persist
injustice
know
surrender
pray
fight
never
win

Bonus:
futility

P.S. Don't know if ya'll realize it but the song title in all the Vocabulary Lesson post titles is a link to iTunes. Enjoy.

Half the World

2010-06-28T10:00:00.002-05:00

Half the world cries
Half the world laughs
Half the world tries
To be the other half

Half of us divided
Like a torn-up photograph
Half of us are trying
To reach the other half

- Rush, excerpted from Half the World

Hope Is Not Always Logical

2010-06-25T12:05:00.000-05:00

So, I was reading an interview with Rachel Held Evans, and got stuck on this comment: hope is not always logical.

This was predicated upon 1 Peter 3:15, where we are exhorted to "be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." And I was struck by this verse, like I have never read it before.

I have spent so much of my time listening to people give me answers to questions about doctrine, as though the Bible somehow needs a defense lawyer. And I've spent plenty of time defending my beliefs, as though logic is the only thing that matters. When, in reality, that's not at all what we're supposed to do - we're supposed to give reasons for our hope, not our beliefs. Two different things.

Christianity has a long history of believing some truly outrageous propositions. Polygamy, slavery, subjugation of women, our planet the center of the universe - the list goes on and on. But Christianity has never been about doctrine; it's about grace, redemption, and hope.

I'm over here hanging on by my fingernails to a tiny shred of hope, when all around me, well-meaning Christians are answering the wrong questions. Don't tell me why I am doctrinally wrong. Tell me why you have hope.

I'll tell you why I have hope: Jesus resurrected.

There is no logic in that hope, no concrete proof, nothing beyond a quiet prayer in the night that it was real.

The Day It All Began

2010-06-24T13:00:00.003-05:00

Well, it wasn't actually that day. Looking back now, I can see that it all began at lot earlier. But one fine Spring day in a classroom at a small university in West Texas, I got my first taste of what it feels like to be rejected for one's faith.

At a staunch Southern Baptist college, I had one radical professor who insisted we read the Bible with new eyes, like we had never been exposed to it before. Mind you, he was talking to a room full of life-long Christians, most (if not all) raised in strict, conservative evangelical homes. We had been memorizing scripture since before we could write. And this doctor of theology wanted us to read the New Testament without preconceived notions, to think for ourselves for the first time in our lives.

I was secretly thrilled for the challenge. So I did. Or at least, I tried.

It was in classroom discussion later in the semester, that I opened my mouth and uttered an interpretation that differed wildly from everything any of us had ever been taught. And the looks I got were some of the angriest I have yet encountered.

Several of my friends refused to speak with me. Some for nearly a month. It rocked my little world in such a way, that I never again criticized the accepted doctrine while attending university. At least not while the critics were listening, and only vaguely, tangentially when in the company of my dearest friends.

And for the next fifteen years, I towed the doctrinal line in public, and harbored doubts and questions in private. Until a couple years ago, when the exhaustion of all that deceit finally got to me, when I was maligned and judged by people who had no real insight into my life or my faith. When a casual comment revealed months of hurtful gossip, and I walked away.

I have mentioned before that I am not an open book. My internal workings, thoughts, hopes, and dreams are not on public display to be perused, discussed, judged, and dismissed. I developed the art of concealment in response to well-meaning Christians who behaved as though transparency was a requirement rather than an option. And I learned long ago, in that fateful classroom, that to avoid the pain of rejection and judgement, I had to keep my big questions, doubts, and ideas to myself.

It is thanks to dear friends like the Agnostic Pentecostal, and new-found sojourners like Rachel Held Evans, that I hold some semblance of hope that I can work out this faith and all its questions. And maybe this time, just maybe, I won't be rejected. Maybe I'm not actually wrong for seeing the world differently. Maybe I'll be ok.

The Road Not Taken

2010-06-24T09:30:00.007-05:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

Get Down With Your Bad Self

2010-06-23T10:08:00.002-05:00

Dusk.

Neighbor's garage door wide open.

Music blaring.

Elderly neighbor in his garage.

All alone.

Doing the robot.

To Funky Town.

Small Blessings

2010-06-23T10:06:00.001-05:00

Mighty Life List #9: Visit New York.

2010-06-17T16:05:00.000-05:00

I'm going to New York City for BlogHer 2010, August 6-8. And I'm going to walk the Brooklyn Bridge with my friend, Pam, who will be crossing off an item on her life list, too.

So excited!

Cooking in Jennifer's Kitchen

2010-06-16T22:23:00.001-05:00

This week as been one of culinary experiments. Well, controlled experiments with known ingredients, that is.

Monday was New York Strip in a mustard-red wine marinade, topped with mustard-butter and served with sauteed fresh spinach. About the mustard butter - so good I wish I had doubled the batch and served it in a gravy boat. One part softened unsalted sweet cream butter, one part organic stone-ground mustard; mixed till blended. Eat-it-with-a-spoon good.

Tuesday was Orange Roughy with garlic caramelized onions. I cooked the onions in the same pan in which I had seared the garlic-herb crusted fish, so the garlic flavor infused the onions. It was like the fish and onions were made for each other, and the whole affair melted in the mouth. Destined for frequent appearances at my table.

Go ahead, try it at your house. You'll love both!

Life List #38: Grow a Kitchen Garden - the (Early) Fruits of My Labor

2010-06-14T22:10:00.001-05:00

Last night, I finally served up five tiny cherry tomatoes that I grew myself. Allow me to present the results:

I prepared a Caprese-style salad with balsamic vinegar, mozzarella cheese, and fresh basil from my garden. Well, it was really a Insalata Caprese amuse bouche so small was the serving. Still - perfect.

Holy Tomatoes, Batman!

2010-06-11T16:20:00.000-05:00

Look, I grew some tomatoes! I picked the first four ripe ones this week, and they're sitting on my kitchen windowsill getting nice and red. I'll probably eat them like candy tonight or tomorrow. Sweet anticipation.

Out of Body

2010-06-08T09:31:00.000-05:00

I'm about to get all oogy-weird* on you. Sorry about that.

Last evening brought some disturbing news - the kind of news that has a life all its own and haunts you. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt myself drift away before falling asleep.

I don't know if I believe in spirit-walking or astral projection or any of that mystical weirdness, but I do know that there have been dozens of moments in my left where I've experienced this weird thing. Like last night. When my spirit went on walk-about and had a stern conversation with the prime individual involved in that awful news.

And, I really, really hope it was real, and that person was really there too. And that they listened.

*That's a technical term I'm using to lighten a post that is far heavier than it looks.

Future Black Swallowtails of America

2010-06-04T11:30:00.000-05:00

I'm growing a couple butterflies. Step one: feed the larvae copious amounts of parsley. (Warning! Do not pet the butterfly larvae. They will rear their heads and show you their scary orange horns. But don't worry, they're not carnivorous, instead preferring your parsley to your hand.)

Mighty Life List #38: Grow a Kitchen Garden (Sorta)

2010-06-03T12:14:00.003-05:00

So far, we have tomatoes:

and basil:

We've been enjoying the basil and parsley (in the same pot but currently being eaten by some butterfly larvae, which I am allowing to live and enjoy the herbs of my labor because I like butterflies and can't bear to destroy tiny living creatures. And really, if it only costs me a little parsley to grow a butterfly, it's totally worth the sacrifice. I mean, I can buy more parsley at the grocery store, but I don't think I can buy butterflies.) I also have rosemary in another pot, plotting to take over the world (because that's what plants do!)

Anyway, I'm really hoping the tomatoes ripen soon, so I CAN EAT THEM! Nom Nom Nom

Vocabulary Lesson #31: Between Sun & Moon

2010-05-28T11:56:00.001-05:00

sun
moon
silence
whisper
shout
wonder
doubt
bonfire
mirror
illusion
penetrate
actor
hesitate
pray
howl
midwinter
reborn
baptized

Bonus:
perspective

Adventures Suck When You're Having Them

2010-05-26T18:10:00.001-05:00

Had the much feared allergic reaction to my allergy shots.

#$@%^%$#!!!!!!!

Hello, hives. I hate you. You can suck it. You and your friend, Epinephrine.

Jennifer the Amazing Human Pincushion: Round 3

2010-05-26T09:27:00.000-05:00

Today marks the last day of 8-shot allergist visits. By the end of the day, I'll have completed the rough equivalent of three months of allergy shots, all since last Wednesday. And I'll get to slow down to the more modest pace of four shots a week for the next month.

All I'm really trying to say is this better work. Because if I'm going to walk around with a dozen bruises the size of needle punctures on my arms, I better see some results, dammit.

I should also mention that my appointment last Friday went exceedingly well, but I was so completely out of it that evening that I was stumbling around having really slow conversations with the Husband formerly known as Handsome, but not really finishing any of my sentences. He says is was pathetic. And hilarious. I don't really remember much.

Anyway, I blame it on the shots. And the Benadryl I took afterward.

Rhythm, Grace, and Joy

2010-05-25T14:36:00.000-05:00

"A drumset is a time machine, literally speaking—a machine for keeping time—though a drummer has to be the clockwork device to subdivide rhythm—to bring the time. In those days, I was not that drummer." (Neil Peart, News, Weather, and Sports)

And the time machine sitting in my living room transports me to another world, one where sweating is a joy and mistakes a chance for a do-over. Where nothing I do is wrong and the clockwork device holding the sticks is having more fun than anyone else in the room. It's sheer unadulterated, childlike joy, simple and incomprehensible.

"So today, think about what it is you need and were too embarrassed to ask for. And then go fucking do it. Wear a ball gown to the grocery store. Invite the neighbors to have a picnic on the front lawn. Get that novel out of your sock drawer and publish it yourself. Stand on a bus stop bench and belt out a song for the waiting strangers. Find a playground swing and remember how it felt to fly. Find your red dress. And wear the hell out of it." (Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess)

I found my red dress. And I'm beating the hell out of it. Your turn.

Not So Dreadful After All

2010-05-20T12:57:00.002-05:00

First set of allergy shots completed. And the Husband formerly known as Handsome surprised me with dinner on the grill and a big glass of wine, just for being brave.

me. brave.

That's a hard thought to comprehend. Because I'm not brave. I'm afraid of the worst-case-scenario, and having been there, I know it is a very real possibility.

The memory of that incident induced stomach-churning, heart-racing anxiety that grew to nearly debilitating as the moment of truth approached. In the afternoon, I drove to the clinic and submitted to four sets of shots, two in each arm, over the course of several hours. I came equipped with books, iPod, water, Diet Coke, power bar, and anything else I could think of to keep my mind off The Big Scary Thing.

And it worked. I got those shots and had no allergic reaction to them. And the fear and anxiety abated, at least for a little while. Hopefully, forever. Because I get to do this all again tomorrow.

Dread

2010-05-18T09:15:00.001-05:00

(verb) to anticipate with great apprehension or fear.

Yep. That's the feeling.

Scheduled my first allergy shots for tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010, 1:30 PM.

Send love, prayers, and courage.

Life List #38: Grow a Kitchen Garden

2010-05-17T11:42:00.000-05:00

Ok, I don't know if I can really call tomatoes and herbs a kitchen garden. Especially not when they're in pots on the patio. But, for the sake of progress on The List, I'm going to count these five little plants as a garden.

I'm officially growing cherry tomatoes, sweet basil, parsley, and rosemary - the things I use most frequently in my kitchen. So there.

Pictures forthcoming.

As If It Wasn't Already Bad Enough

2010-05-14T11:15:00.009-05:00

There's this:

"The federal Minerals Management Service gave permission to BP and dozens of other oil companies to drill in the Gulf of Mexico without first getting required permits from another agency that assesses threats to endangered species - and despite strong warnings from that agency about the impact the drilling was likely to have on the gulf.

Those approvals, federal records show, include one for the well drilled by the Deepwater Horizon rig, which exploded on April 20, killing 11 workers and resulting in thousands of barrels of oil spilling into the gulf each day."

Read the whole article.

11 families lost loved ones, thousands of families' livelihoods and businesses are threatened, and untold environmental damage has been inflicted resulting in loss of wildlife and habitats, not to mention the lost tourist dollars and the pollution of our beautiful beaches, all because some arrogant bureaucrat saw fit to approve this well (and others) without the required permits and without consideration of "strong warnings" against the projects.

This makes my blood boil!

Scientific PROOF that I NEED an iPad

2010-05-13T13:11:00.001-05:00

According to this study, technology makes women happy. So there you have it: my happiness (and yours!) depends upon technology.

And there's more! "Social networking and gathering information online can help women to successfully juggle and manage all the different roles that fill their lives." And: "Anything that increases the sense of personal control in our lives, such as IT, will reduce anxiety and stress and keep us mentally well. ... IT can increase feelings of security, personal freedom and power, which can give us greater life satisfaction."

See how I helped you justify your next purchase? You're welcome.

Stream of Consciousness: Meeting Edition

2010-05-12T11:24:00.001-05:00

Actual notes I took during a recent meeting:

Crocs are unattractive. Even with bows on them. Especially with bows on them.

Reading your slides to me insults my intelligence. I think less of you when you do this. Seriously. It makes me stabby. And sleepy.

Death by powerpoint is a slow way to go.

OMFG! I know how to fill out a form and navigate a web page. You must think I'm an idiot. I know I think you are.

Note to self: perfect the art of avoiding meetings. Always bring a sacrificial prop and feign a bathroom emergency.

Know what I really love? More rules and regulations!

Know what I really hate? Meetings!

At the Orchid House

2010-05-11T14:09:00.001-05:00

Vocabulary Lesson #30: Earthshine

2010-05-10T11:30:00.000-05:00

angles
crescent
circle
luminescence
beacon
jewel
evening
reflection
facsimile
direction
starlit
grace
hand
eyes
reach
dream

Bonus:
joy

Practice Practice Practice

2010-05-06T10:00:00.008-05:00

I've got my noise-dampening, iPod-connected headphones wrapped around my noggin protecting my sensitive little ears, beating the hell out of my set of drums as I play along to a favorite tune.

Handsome walks in. "Hey. HEY!" Flips light switch a couple times.

Removes headphones. "Hi!" Grins like idiot.

Handsome. "Hey, you were playing Lump! Not bad!"

*blink* "Actually, I was playing Day Tripper."

Handsome. "Oh." Shifts uncomfortably.

Me. "Well. At least I kinda sound like what I'm playing is a real song!" Grins like idiot.

Sorta-Kinda Making Progress on #40: Learn to Roller Skate

2010-05-05T09:51:00.000-05:00

Went to the rink for the first time in, oh I don't know, 20-ish years? Yeah, 20-ish years. . . that's already more than I'm willing to admit.

Anyway, strapped on the skates, remained upright, make several slow and precarious circuits around the room.

Did NOT fall on my ass. Did NOT get mocked or jeered.

WIN

Life List Addition - #40: Learn to Roller Skate

2010-05-03T11:43:00.000-05:00

It doesn't seem possible for a child of the 80s to have missed this basic life skill, but I did. So, I'm going out with some girlfriends tomorrow night to figure this thing out.

I expect to spend the entire night clinging to the wall with one hand and my friend Sharon with the other. Or on my butt on the floor.

Pray for me.

Drumming is a Lot Like Dancing, EXCEPT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

2010-05-02T20:56:00.002-05:00

So, yeah. Turns out several years of dance instruction, competition and stage performance DOES NOT prepare you to play the drums. I mean, they are somewhat similar in that you are organizing all four limbs to move in coordinated rhythm, each limb doing something different.

And that's where the similarities end. Because playing the drums? Each appendage is doing something completely and entirely different from every other appendage. Often to the distraction of the brain to which said appendages are actually attached.

What I'm trying to say is this: drumming is a ton of fun, and once you figure out a rhythm you can go for a bit all jamming out and stuff. Then you're brain misfires and it all goes to hell.

So you start over. From the top.

Just like dance.

Outrageous and Disgusting

2010-04-29T11:27:00.001-05:00

This.

So if a multinational corporation is slowly poisoning its customers, it can contribute to a cancer foundation (which will gladly accept the money) to alleviate their non-existent conscience from any potential culpability to the illness and death of the aforementioned customers.

Because KFC is "sensitive" to the health concerns of their customers. Sure, they're sensitive. They just don't really give a damn if their food slowly destroys the health and well-being of the individuals who eat their garbage.

I did not realize that fast food chains were run by the tobacco industry. But I'm not surprised.

Amaryllis

2010-04-27T09:34:00.000-05:00

Adding a New Item to THE LIST

2010-04-23T10:55:00.001-05:00

37. Upgrade my kitchen equipment. (2010: salt & pepper grinders, forged steel cutlery, heavy duty skillets)

Can I just say how much of a difference the new cutlery has made in my life? I cook almost daily, with all the slicing, dicing, and chopping that entails. And my old, cheap, Walmart knives just weren't up to the rigors of my routine. So, I purchased this great set from Anolon.

I discovered Anolon knives on a trip to California, when we visited my delightful in-laws. I fell in love with the weight and balance of Sue's set and immediately wanted some of my own. That was two or three years ago. And now I have them and could not be happier.

Out of my way world, I've got knives. Really sharp ones!

Chicken on the Drums*

2010-04-21T21:44:00.013-05:00

Don't panic.

That's what I told myself all day as I waited in anticipation of the delivery of a set of wine red drums. Which my drum teacher would be helping me assemble and tune. And then play.

Don't panic.

So, we set up the kit and got to work. But not before I admitted my anxiety, my perfectionist tendencies, and my serious fear of playing any kind of instrument in front of another human being. And also my crush on a world-renowned drummer, to whose skill I could never hope to aspire.

He thought that was ok and we got to work. And you know what? To my astonishment, it wasn't bad or scary or intimidating. Well, maybe a little intimidating. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I ended the lesson with a huge ridiculous smile on my face.

Because that? That was a whole hell of a lot of fun. And if I hadn't been playing for over an hour already, I'd practice a little more. I'm having a blast!

*Bonus points for catching the reference.

Vocabulary Lesson #29: Subdivisions

2010-04-20T16:52:00.000-05:00

sprawling
fringes
geometric
insulated
unknown
opinions
detached
misfit
conform
escape
restless
drift
firefly
desires
flight

Bonus:
wanderlust

Deep in the Heart of Texas

2010-04-16T15:54:00.002-05:00

Life List #34: Take Drum Lessons

2010-04-15T20:15:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm not quite to the drum lessons just yet, but I did just buy a drum kit. And I'm in communication with a potential teacher. I think that counts as progress.

La Vie en Rose

2010-04-14T17:06:00.001-05:00

I Have Found Me a Home

2010-04-09T14:30:00.002-05:00

One Particular Harbour

2010-04-08T11:30:00.001-05:00

I Will Play for Gumbo

2010-04-07T16:57:00.001-05:00

Changes in Latitude

2010-04-06T16:16:00.001-05:00

How to Lose 5 Pounds Fast

2010-04-02T14:37:00.001-05:00

Get food poisoning. Or some awful stomach virus. Either way, totally works. Just FYI.

Starting the Day off Weird*

2010-03-26T09:40:00.000-05:00

A customer, who wishes to remain anonymous, wanted to know what kind of car I drive before sending in his purchase order. He asked said question via a colleague. Weird. And creepy.

Listened to this awful song on the radio during my morning commute. And the truly frightening mash up, skip to 1:45. Fish + accordions = weird.

Facilities has decided to remodel our break-room during the last week of the fiscal quarter. An entire building of salespeople are on caffeine withdrawal while high from paint fumes. Total disaster. But, TGI weird Friday.

I have never traveled time in a DeLorean. That would be weird and awesome!

And possibly the weirdest of all: watched a few minutes of House Bunny before bed, but woke up with Run to the Hills running through my brain. WTH?

*I think this town is finally getting to me. But, also, I love Austin.

Blue Skies Smiling At Me

2010-03-25T09:52:00.002-05:00

Update: So, check out the alternate version of this shot, below. The first image, above, used the Holga effect from the CameraBag iPhone App. The one below, adds TiltShift Generator effects. Wow, what a difference! Yay for new toys!

Also, I'm still experimenting with photography and photo effects using my iPhone. Look for more to come.

The "Travel" Desk

2010-03-23T17:00:00.001-05:00

Vocabulary Lesson #28: Dreamline

2010-03-22T10:30:00.000-05:00

Jupiter
radar
liquid-crystal
compass
restless
freeway
hometown
redemption
Earth
worth
immortal
caravan
flickering
heartland
moon
lonely
limited
everyone

Bonus:
wanderlust

The Road Unwinds Before Me

2010-03-19T10:22:00.001-05:00

Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire

2010-03-18T09:30:00.002-05:00

Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?

2010-03-17T09:30:00.001-05:00

Outside My Back Door

2010-03-16T09:54:00.003-05:00

Fear Is a Playground Bully

2010-03-11T10:30:00.001-06:00

I'm following Pammer's adventure into allergy shots. Partly because I'm supposed to start my own, like a month ago. Those dreaded shots are sitting in a cooler in a doctor's office just waiting to attack.

I've got my Epi-Pen ready, but let me tell you a little something about that. I am one of those fortunate souls who have what is blithely referred to as an "adverse reaction" to this particular drug. (*insert sarcasm here*) That is to say, my heart races, like everyone's, but veers dangerously close to stroke territory and exacerbates an existing arrhythmia.

Several years ago, I ended up in the ER after a nasty reaction to a Sulfa-based antibiotic. (Side note: when you walk into the emergency room covered in a rash with your throat threatening to close up, they let you right in. No paperwork.) Anyway, nothing was working. The nice doctor and nurses know about the epinephrine and use every other available option before suggesting the drug.

"We have a crash cart handy. I won't leave your side." Good nurse. Bad situation. But there was nothing else to do.

I was hooked up to an EKG, and a host of other monitoring equipment. And they injected that awful, awful stuff.

And it BURNED through my veins. I screamed, Handsome cried.

And my blood pressure and heart rate jumped. And the nurse's expression tightened. She called the doctor. "Three more points, and we'll do it."

My husband squeezed my hand so hard my right arm went numb. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and then the skipping beats that always scare the hell out of me. Tears streaked my face. "Make it stop. Please!"

And that's when it did. Like flipping a switch, my blood pressure returned to normal, my heart rate dropped. And I passed out. Just like that.

I don't want to do that ever again. Ever.

So, I hesitate on those allergy shots. I survived a certain Terror once, but I'm not eager to repeat the experience.

*My heart is racing just remembering this experience. Fear is an amazing thing, especially fear of the known.

On worthiness

2010-03-10T09:34:00.005-06:00

Lightning struck a bundle of cells and sparked a heartbeat, brain waves, fingerprints.

Me.

Created by Something Divine, extraordinary, unknowable. And a spark became a raging inferno of personality, soul, intellect, heart.

I am worthy.

A brushstroke upon an infinite canvas. A solitary note in an eternal symphony. A grain of sand upon a wide, wide shore, constantly caressed by a fathomless ocean.

The whole of the universe is incomplete without me. Without you. Without us.

We are worthy.

Of love; of hope; of dreams; of passion; of tears; of minor miracles that make this life somehow less lonely.

Inspired by Brené Brown's Week of Worthiness.

Delusions of Usefulness

2010-03-09T11:44:00.002-06:00

I don't know if this gives me hope or depresses the hell out of me. You be the judge:

If you feel the need to turn a light switch on and off exactly seven times before leaving a room, you have OCD. If you need to run exactly five miles every day before breakfast to feel right, you are considered disciplined and athletic.
. . .
A Muslim, a Christian, and a crazy guy walk into a room. The one thing you can know for sure is that at least two out of three of them organize their lives around things that aren't real. And that's the best case scenario. Atheists would say all three have some explaining to do. And atheists are the minority, which is the very definition of abnormal.
. . .
The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.

- Scott Adams, Crazy or Disciplined?

Trixie Goes On Walkabout

2010-03-04T09:28:00.004-06:00

Before I tell you the story suggested by the title, I have to tell you a different story. (This is, of course, a Southern thing. Telling a story that requires previous information, so you get two stories for the price of one really long one.) Anyway . . .

A little over a decade ago, Handsome and I bought our house. And within a month or so, we adopted two kittens from the local animal shelter. We had only intended to adopt one, but these two were hidden away in quarantine, cuddled together, shivering. They had never adapted to human touch, and were practically feral. Well, there was no way to take the one and leave the other lonely and cold. We took them both. (Also, I have SUCKER tattooed on my forehead.)

They hid under our bed for the next six months.

Well, they finally realized we weren't so bad for humans and that the food was acceptable; they would keep us. They came out to play. Racer, the brother, was gregarious, mischievous, and affectionate. Trixie, the sister, was timid, quiet, and sweet. They were polar opposites and perfect companions.

About a year after bring them home, they were playing out in our back yard - the sum total of their not-so-large territory. That evening, when I called them in, Racer never showed. We haven't seen him since, though we searched and searched and searched. Hopefully he found another loving home with a couple of kids that love him. Hopefully.

Our hearts were broken; we grieved that cat for years. Sometimes still do. Always turn our heads when a black cat walks by. Just in case.

Now I told you that story to tell you this one:

This weekend, Trixie was meandering in the back yard while we fired up the grill. She's still timid and never strays far; she comes when she's called and meows at the back door if we're not paying sufficient attention. At some point in the back-and-forth between the kitchen and the grill, we lost sight of her. This happens regularly and is no big surprise. She's usually around the corner of the house investigating the AC unit.

But not this time.

We searched high and low, inside and out. No cat. We called and called. No cat. Handsome walked the block searching for her. I climbed a ladder to peer into our neighbors' yards. No cat. And that's when the panic set in.

I tried to keep my cool. But inside, I was screaming. Not another one; my little heart won't survive losing both of them.

To console ourselves, we reminded each other that she's wearing a collar. Our neighbors are kind. We'll get a phone call. Eventually. For the moment, we ate that precious grilled meal.

And then . . . two hours later, we hear her cry at the back door. I grabbed her up, held her to my heart. And finally lost it. Crying into her soft fur, muttering "stupid stupid cat. You are grounded forever, you dumb animal."

That was Saturday.

She has been more quiet and subdued than any time in her life. I doubt her little cat brain comprehends the anxiety we suffered at her temporary disappearance; but she's behaving as though she does.

We think it's just a ploy to sweet-talk her way out the back door again. She's probably got a secret boyfriend.

At least she's spayed.

Because Wednesday Cannot End Soon Enough

2010-03-03T13:10:00.003-06:00

The Bloggess is a wicked genius. And also psychic. That's the only way I can explain how she knew exactly what I've been doing today. Not killing people. Not even the stupid ones.

Unlearning the Easy Lessons (Source Material)

2010-03-01T09:23:00.003-06:00

The function of public education was (and is) to turn out compliant workers. Not educated voters, not passionate ideamakers. No, we spend all this money on school taxes to be sure that there will be enough people to do all the work that the factories once needed done. Exceptional teachers, the ones who make a difference, are not only rare, but they’re almost always in trouble for bending the rules and not optimizing for the standardized tests.

I love math. I love the idea of working with numbers, of inventing cool ideas that click. But memorizing factors of 32? It’s clearly an effort to teach you to be taught, to instruct you in compliance, to follow the curriculum.

The brainwashing continues to this day. You’ve been brainwashed to believe that you’re stuck with what you’ve got, that you need to punch a clock, follow a manual and do what you’re told. I wonder who dreamed that up? It’s certainly in the interest of the dominant forces of our society to create an oversupply of eager and compliant workers. But now, as the power shifts, so does your opportunity.

Are you serious about transformation? I’m not talking about polishing yourself, improving yourself, making things a bit better. I’m talking about the reset button, a reinvention that changes the game. That means an overhaul in what you believe and how you do your job. If you’re up for that, then right here, right now, you can start.

Do work that matters.

- Seth Godin, Brainwashed

Jennifer's Mighty Life List: How to be a Baptist Exhibitionist

2010-02-26T09:57:00.006-06:00

Inspired by Mighty Girl and a long list of other women who are setting grand adventures into motion, I thought I'd share my own list. Or at least, my list so far. Which is not quite 100 yet, but is 36, which happens to be my current age. Funny that. Anyway, I've been building this list since last Thanksgiving, and for some reason it makes me extremely anxious to share it with the universe. Which is dumb, I know, but I'm not an open book and this feels really exhibitionist.

Well, here goes:

1. Drive a race car.
2. Get a pilot's license.
3. Live on an island.
4. Speak French fluently.
5. And maybe Spanish, too.
6. Go back to France.
7. Make wine.
8. Make homemade cheese(s). (1/30/10: ricotta)
9. Visit New York.
10. Take a helicopter tour of interior Maui.
11. Ice skate.
12. Replace my cheap wine glasses with fine glassware or crystal.
13. Break out the china and silver for something mundane, like spaghetti or hamburgers.
14. Travel to Java to see the volcanos.
15. Learn to scuba dive.
16. Write a novel.
17. Learn to sail.
18. Visit every island in the Caribbean. (Key West, Grand Cayman, Cozumel)
19. Teach my nephews and nieces to drive a stick-shift.
20. Visit the zoo, a really great zoo like San Diego or Fort Worth, with a child. (San Francisco Zoo w/ niece Dejohna)
21. Hike into the Costa Rican Monteverde or Santa Elena Cloud Rain Forest.
22. Take Handsome on a surprise, last-minute, exotic vacation.
23. Expatriate.
24. Touch the sandstone walls of Petra.
25. Skinny-dip in a stranger's pool while the entire family is out of town.
26. Own a convertible.
27. Begin drawing again, including art classes if necessary.
28. Buy a little black dress.
29. Celebrate the New Year in Paris, New York, Sydney, Rio de Janiero, London, and Dubai. (Paris 1998/1999 & 1999/2000 <--Millennium! Awesome!)
30. Go back to school to get the degree I never knew I wanted: English Literature.
31. Find the perfect recipe for wonton soup.
32. Make homemade marshmallows. (Christmas 2009)
33. Learn to tango.
34. Take drum lessons.
35. Road-trip across the American Southwest. See meteor crater, grand canyon, four corners, etc.
36. Witness the crab migration on Christmas Island.

Ok, I showed you mine. Show me yours!

Crash Bang Boom!

2010-02-23T11:30:00.004-06:00

Bikes are a lot of fun. A LOT OF FUN!

Until you fall off and scrape your knee. And bruise your hip and shoulder. Not so much fun.

Life lesson: When you fall down, get back up and ride. Because you'll look like a loser walking your bike home. But you'll look cool if you climb back on and keep going. Especially if you're smiling and laughing. Then the world thinks you're adventurous and fun-loving, instead of a total spaz.

Update: I only THOUGHT my pride was more injured than my body. But do you know what? My entire right side feels like it has been punched by the pavement and then mocked for being so fragile. Anyway, I'm not smiling and laughing so much as whining and cringing. Yay me.

Sunday: Brought to You by the Letter B

2010-02-22T09:19:00.004-06:00

Bacon and eggs for Breakfast

Beautiful Blue-sky day

Bright Blue Bicycle

Bauernbrot Bread with Butter and Brie

Bar-be-qued Baby Back Ribs with Bush's Baked Beans

Bliss

Handsome Wins the Prize

2010-02-21T21:09:00.003-06:00

Handsome bought me a bike. A shiny, bright blue cruiser with chrome fenders and whitewall tires.

So we took our bikes on a midnight ride around the neighborhood. And the stars were all shining and the air was crisp and clear. He is my hero.

Hurray Handsome!

Vocabulary Lesson #27: Lock and Key

2010-02-16T10:30:00.000-06:00

instinct
sensitive
waterline
primitive
civilized
veneer
hunter
dangerous
balance
emotions
desperate
security
mercy
law
fanatical

Bonus:
conscience

9am and it's already THAT KIND OF DAY

2010-02-16T09:34:00.002-06:00

We the People of Such Weak Faith

2010-02-15T13:08:00.003-06:00

And please, can we stop with the Protestant self-aggrandizement about Christian America? What part of America do you think Jesus is especially pleased with — slavery, internment of the Japanese, or our singular focus on entertainment and the amassing of wealth?

Don’t get me wrong, I love this country, and believe that as far as brutality, racism, and oppression go, we are a far sight better than most civilizations in human history. But perhaps, when the instinct to start painting an ethereal Jesus into those pictures of the Founders signing the Constitution takes hold, we would do well to remember that no one is righteous, no, not one, and that all this business about God’s special purpose for America makes a heretical muddle of Biblical teaching about the citizenship of God’s people.

It seems far more likely that we are born into this country, fellow Christians, not because God decided to bless us, but because He knows our weak faiths and frames couldn’t handle being truly oppressed in places like Somalia or Pakistan or China. Think about it — God can place you anywhere in history and space, and he chooses not to make you a martyr under the Romans or Muslims or Communists, but an upper-middle class white person in the most prosperous, healthiest, and safest country on the planet. You think that’s because you’re especially righteous? Think again. If America is a special haven carved out by God, it’s because he knew his weakest children needed a safe place.

- Tony Woodlief Christian America?

Click over and read the whole thing; it's totally worth it. And go ahead and add Tony's site to your daily reading list because he's always this good.

Reduce, Recycle, Relief

2010-02-12T13:20:00.004-06:00

The past two weeks have involved quite a bit of de-cluttering at Chez Knighton. We figure about 500 pounds (or so) of stuff was removed from our home. And there is a certain lightness-of-being that we have experienced every day since the last batch was carried away by our wonderful (and strong) garbage men.

The sad truth is that we are pack-rats and clutter-bugs by nature and habit. I hold onto junky bits of flotsam secure in the knowledge, that it might be useful at some indeterminate time in the future. "What if I throw it out and need it someday?" I ask myself. Well, I'll probably have forgotten where I put the darn thing and have to go out and buy a new one anyway. It's just clutter; trash filling up my home and weighing down my soul.

And it's fear. Fear that I need to hold onto these useless things; that somehow, they give my life some kind of meaning and importance. A fear that fills my home and heart with detritus, refuse, garbage. In a thousand years, some archeologist is going to stumble upon the contents of my kitchen drawer and wonder why I needed two hundred bits of broken plastic. What does it say about the people who lived here?

But today, a few pounds lighter with a few shelves better organized and some drawers cleaned out, our life is a little brighter and less confusing. We can breathe easier; we are more hopeful. We rest easier at night, knowing that our lives are more than the sum of all that wasted junk.

The In-laws from Heaven

2010-02-10T21:08:00.002-06:00

Know what I love about my in-laws? They show up bearing gifts. Gifts of WINE! Wine and great company, that is. ;-)

For the past few days, we've had some of the best food in town and a wide selection of exceptional wine. Except that one that reminded us all of manure. Which was weird.

Anyway.

Thanks Joe & Sue! We love you and wish you could have stayed longer. Mwah!

Things You Learn from a Bonk on the Head

2010-02-03T12:07:00.003-06:00

1. drywall anchors are important and necessary

2. gardening tools are both heavier and sharper than you thought

3. no one will hear you scream because the garage door is closed

4. your pride doesn't really suffer (much) if no one sees it happen

5. grass clippings, dirt, dead leaves, and miscellaneous garden detritus accumulate in the little gap between the garage door and the wall

6. so do spiders

7. you should clean out the garage more often

8. and use drywall anchors

Don't Sit* so Close to Me

2010-01-29T11:36:00.003-06:00

Warning: I'm about to over share. You might want to look away and read some other blog today.

Know what I hate? I hate it when someone takes the stall next to you when there are nine other EMPTY stalls in the bathroom. And then they decide to take a few moments to solve world hunger. While you're working out the cure to cancer or pondering the meaning of life. Whatever. It's uncomfortable. And disruptive.

So you know, try to remember the stall-buffer rule and give your new friends (really close friends, apparently) a little space. We all need a little space now and then.

*Replace the word "sit" with an appropriate rhyme.

The Really ARE the Miracle Fruit

2010-01-28T09:30:00.000-06:00

From a CNN article on the secrets to a longer life:

We found that all five Blue Zones possessed the same nine lifestyle characteristics. Among them: a low-meat, plant-based diet (all of them ate a lot of beans) and a ritual of "downshifting" each day. They experience the same stresses we do -- kids, health, finances -- but they managed it through daily prayer, meditation, ancestor veneration or city-wide happy hours (like the Sardinians).

Although, I gotta tell you, a city-wide happy hour sounds like a great idea.

Trippin' Across Texas

2010-01-27T09:34:00.004-06:00

Woke up this morning with Luckenbach, Texas running through my mind. Probably inspired by the beautiful drive Handsome and I took on Sunday - Dallas and back in a day.

There is nothing in this world quite so beautiful (to me) than this great state we live in. I could easily live in California or France or Hawaii or any Caribbean island, but my heart belongs to Texas. Through and through.

To a giant, majestic flag pulled taught in a strong west wind. To rolling plains where you can see for miles and miles to forever. To towering loblolly pines that obscure a brilliant blue sky. To seagulls and brown pelicans and kingfishers skirting the coast and floating on a sea breeze. To limestone cliffs and crags full of secrets. To rolling thunder and drenching, torrential storms. To fiery sunsets of crimson and flame and gold and rose smearing together across the sky into a thousand shades of indigo and violet. And to an entire galaxy of stars decorating the heavens.

I love this place.

Getting a Thrill from the Daily Grind

2010-01-21T21:12:00.003-06:00

For Christmas, Handsome gave me a set of Peugeot U'Select variable salt and pepper grinders. Kinda like these. They have six (!) settings, ranging from super-fine to extra-course.

And just let me say that I have used these every single meal. And sometimes I lose myself in the smooth grinding action and smother our food in way too much seasoning. Though I think my husband kinda likes that part. The seasoning part, people! Come on!

Well, ok. You're right. I LOVE the smooth grinding action, the way the pepper or salt meets my exacting demands of size and consistency. Cooking in my kitchen will never be the same.