This realization should come as no surprise to me. But it kinda does. When I take time off, I feel guilty for not working. And then I feel guilty for not enjoying some down time while also feeling guilty about not working. It's stupid, really, to feel guilty for feeling guilty. Stupid or crazy.
It's not that I can't rest. I can. But I must force myself. I must actively redirect thoughts as they stray back to work and household chores and the things I should be doing instead. (Note: should is a guilt work. When you find it, kill it. Kill it dead.)
#thatisall
I don't want to get into this too much here, but let me just say that I can tell the state of my mental health by the non-work-related writing I do. (See: this blog and the lack of posting since July 2010) And also by the heart palpitations, anxiety hives, and panic attacks. Crushing chest pain is a sign that something has gone seriously sideways in life.
Anyway, I haven't written anything lately. The past couple months have been busy:
First, we bought a house and moved to New Braunfels. We have two ponds full of goldfish and Koi and a herd of deer who are constantly begging for food. We see all variety of birds - including a Cardinal family who built a nest by the living room window and birthed another generation, hummingbirds everywhere, and roadrunners. We also have scorpions and tarantulas and snakes, oh my!
Then, once we got into the place, My sister-in-law and I repainted my office and decorated it with some lovely dark wood and lots of art. Remind me never to paint a 10'x10' room with 12' ceilings. Ever. Again. What on earth was I thinking? The upside, however, is that the place is everything I wanted in an office - sunny and relaxing and with a beautiful view.
Lately, we've been entertaining just about everyone we know at the house. The month of July is already booked with guests and we're scheduling into August! Apparently, this is The Place To Be. And it makes me so very happy.
In work-related travel news, I've been to Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, Florida, Ohio (twice), Arizona, and North Carolina. And none of that includes the tornado-related stranding in Dallas or a trip to Houston. And really, that is just the tip of the iceberg of my sales business. Too many places to go and not enough time to do it all.
I'm going to try to get back to a more regular posting schedule, but I can't promise anything. Because I just don't know if I'll have the energy to be anything more than a neglectful writer on my own blog. In the meantime, I've got to figure out where things have gone wrong and set them to rights again.
Yeah, so like two months got away from me. Bet you'd like to know what I've been up to.
I've been to:
North Carolina
Houston, Texas (twice)
South Florida
Atlanta, Georgia
South Carolina
San Diego, California
Dallas, Texas
Plus there was the Thanksgiving trip to Conroe/Willis. And a few days here in lovely Austin.
I am tired. But I'm inspired by the end-of-year writing prompts from www.Reverb10.com. I think I'll share some of my answers over the next three weeks.
Thanks for being patient and not giving up on this weary traveler.
Actual notes I took during a recent meeting:
Crocs are unattractive. Even with bows on them. Especially with bows on them.
Reading your slides to me insults my intelligence. I think less of you when you do this. Seriously. It makes me stabby. And sleepy.
Death by powerpoint is a slow way to go.
OMFG! I know how to fill out a form and navigate a web page. You must think I'm an idiot. I know I think you are.
Note to self: perfect the art of avoiding meetings. Always bring a sacrificial prop and feign a bathroom emergency.
Know what I really love? More rules and regulations!
Know what I really hate? Meetings!
