Bring Out Your Dead

Apr 26, 2006

Thursday, April 20th, was a beautiful day for a funeral. It was a sunny East Texas day (that is to say: stifling.) Long lost relatives and friends showed up a little before 3pm for a graveside service to honor my dear Aunt Katy.

Only it didn't start at 3. Or even 3:30. And that was just about the moment things got interesting. My nephews began to play "King of the Mountain." Yeah. THAT mountain.

Then a lady in a wheelchair was rolled under the tent, along with her oxygen tank. The guy helping her lit a cigarette, took a long drag. Twenty people took a big step back. Someone should have stopped him, but no one wanted to get too close. 'Cause, you know.

That's when the dog showed up. There is a reason we call them weiner dogs, and this one looked like an overstuffed sausage on a leash. Who brings a dog to a funeral? Seriously. Who?

Finally, my uncle and cousins showed up, at about a quarter till 4. And really - who wants to bury a wife and mother? Certainly not Uncle Joe, who wandered the cemetary while the Reverend finally began the service to calm the angry mob mourners.

And what a memorial! Allow me to quote a little: "Death reminds us of our mortality, that we too will return to dust. Death reminds us of our sin, and the importance to repent before God calls us home. And that reminds me that we'll have refreshments and cold drinks at the church after this service. (Proceeds to give directions to the Seventh Day Adventist church in town.)" No joke. He plugged his church within the first three minutes of the eulogy.

So, there you have it, folks. Only in East Texas.

6 Response to "Bring Out Your Dead"

Leah Says:

And to quote Uncle Burlen when he called Uncle Robert later on, "Seen any disrespect today?!"
(Of course you must interject you best East Texas accent!)

12:11 PM
Jeff Says:

Oh my goodness. It's like it's a scene from a movie i want to see.

(And condolences to you, and yours.)

When my grandfather passed away recently, the only hilarious part was when the OOOOOLD local choir lady started singing the Hallelujah chorus, accompanied by the even older and less capable organist. The preacher (a dear friend of the family) refused to look at his wife or my parents due to the roar of laughter that he was trying to stifle.

But your story is much better.

12:50 PM
Anonymous Says:

Oh. My.

1:14 PM
Anonymous Says:

Ok, now I'm prepared to hear about the reception at the Seventh Day Adventist church afterwards!

1:16 PM
Leni Says:

Sorry, not just in TX. We have our share of dysfunction in NY. But without the entertaining accent!

My mom started laughing at my dad's funeral because she remembered a joke he told her from 30 years earlier! She looked at me and said, "Gee, think I could be any MORE inappropriate?" Dad would have appreciated it though.

Sorry for the passing of your Aunt.

3:04 PM
Leah Says:

Leni said "no funny sccent?"
New York?
She's kidding right.

6:55 PM

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