knighton

Fear Is a Playground Bully

Mar 11, 2010

I'm following Pammer's adventure into allergy shots. Partly because I'm supposed to start my own, like a month ago. Those dreaded shots are sitting in a cooler in a doctor's office just waiting to attack.

I've got my Epi-Pen ready, but let me tell you a little something about that. I am one of those fortunate souls who have what is blithely referred to as an "adverse reaction" to this particular drug. (*insert sarcasm here*) That is to say, my heart races, like everyone's, but veers dangerously close to stroke territory and exacerbates an existing arrhythmia.

Several years ago, I ended up in the ER after a nasty reaction to a Sulfa-based antibiotic. (Side note: when you walk into the emergency room covered in a rash with your throat threatening to close up, they let you right in. No paperwork.) Anyway, nothing was working. The nice doctor and nurses know about the epinephrine and use every other available option before suggesting the drug.

"We have a crash cart handy. I won't leave your side." Good nurse. Bad situation. But there was nothing else to do.

I was hooked up to an EKG, and a host of other monitoring equipment. And they injected that awful, awful stuff.

And it BURNED through my veins. I screamed, Handsome cried.

And my blood pressure and heart rate jumped. And the nurse's expression tightened. She called the doctor. "Three more points, and we'll do it."

My husband squeezed my hand so hard my right arm went numb. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and then the skipping beats that always scare the hell out of me. Tears streaked my face. "Make it stop. Please!"

And that's when it did. Like flipping a switch, my blood pressure returned to normal, my heart rate dropped. And I passed out. Just like that.

I don't want to do that ever again. Ever.

So, I hesitate on those allergy shots. I survived a certain Terror once, but I'm not eager to repeat the experience.

*My heart is racing just remembering this experience. Fear is an amazing thing, especially fear of the known.

Posted in Faith